If I had a dream. What will it be? I wonder if you can hold me up, today I was wondering and looking for an answer. Who was there, I don’t understand why I sit and stare for a day. Who could it be, I wonder if it was something I would like to wonder. A star was born to save, but I look beyond this and forget. Who sits there steadily looking for a potion, questioning itself lowering its head. He doesn’t understand as he crawls up looking for sugar. Awake in a pond of reflect. To the left and to the right it sits and wonders. Fool is a crazy life to say. Epiphany.
Took a sip of my tea, as the river flowed down the stream while looking at me, wondering as I marked my attendance. It was Winter as the flower sprouted for that day. It stings as I lift my wonder. Hold on, take this away and let me take a sip while staring through the window as I am lazy and have nothing and don't know what to do. Feel free to have spirits, they say water fills you up, but all I see are liquids of deeds. Really fragile but forever it will stay until it crashes. Hope it will bloom in infinite ways.
There is no fixing to be forever the way it plays. A letter of silence to speak, who was there I wonder. Looking at this photo, oh wait do I even have one. Sorry I must have forgotten why I missed it. Shining in your own room as I question myself. A nuclear space to be a fool of wonders. Who should you speak of, I am just a wonder that doesn’t realise who. I will quit for the day I don’t know but I am selfish. Forgotten why I was born as I screech. Just to sit there while others do everything, am a wonder. What a sweet night light.
Stepping outside just to freeze and walk back, no solution for the future. As I wander into a palace of silence, a tip of iceberg. Creeping up to solve the promised neverland. Lullaby of leaves to speak of. A wonderful life you sprouted, I question myself. The eye of mysteriousness to speak of looking into the zone.
In a day I question for a lifetime, losing as a lazy fool just sitting there each day. An epic trail of soundtracks to speak of. Into this silence night, an hour of zeroness. A firework of doom surrounded by chirping crowds into the fireflies. Autoplay I hope to be long gone. Into the fire zone setting love. Itchy feeling to surprise of sheeps laughing stocks at you.
Rewind to a surprise of melody, hush of shush it speaks breaking screams of lockdown. The string it plays, the beats it stops to feel. Flow into a mindset of stocks in a flood. Warning silent, it spoke too soon for a fool like you or me. In this wonder I followed a dream that was never there. Just there for false hope while asleep. Endless stroll to the park but never did. So it spoke to me but was just a folding flock of birds.
Go back to sleep to dream of lost hope in this wonder it spoke of. Seeking itself unfolded labyrinth putting on a headphone and told, a shout of festival heading its way. It has come to a stop, the road is blocked.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Greetings fellow writer, I'm Thorn, and I'll be reviewing this free verse of yours. Buckle up and sit back because we're speeding into this.
General advice I'd give would be to give the poem a set up. What I see is thick bunches of words and it doesn't look good. This could go well as a concentration piece to become a story, but if that's not your cup of tea, it could still be poetry if you break it up correctly. I'll review what I have, not what I could have, but there might be references to ideas of places where improvement could be seen.
---> The set up you have now is even a little sloppy, so I can tell that formatting is going to be the downfall of this review. Paragraphs trail on from the original thought into others that would be considered a small fraction, but even that is a change of idea, so breaking it up would be the best treatment for large chunks of thoughts.
Grammar is something too.
--->"If I had a dream. What will it be?"
->Instead of a period and a new sentence, a comma could've been placed to make it grammatically correct.
--->"Just to sit there while others do everything, am a wonder"
->Along with this one. It's so hard to figure out the meaning because of how it jumbles up. I do not know what you were going for as you wrote it, so I can't say anything about where to make a fix. That one is on you to decide.
I saw a lot more, but I don't think I have to say them because they are so easy to spot and hopefully to fix. If you have any questions about this review or what to do, you can always ask me to clarify something.
Catch you later.
Hi there poet,
I really admire your work and I truely enjoyed the piece, but to be honest this is more of a prose piece rather than poetry. You must seperate the stanzas by giving space and commas. Secondly poems are not essays, you must be subtle in conveying the message when it comes to poetry. I hope this review helps you understand the distinction and arrange your thoughts accordingly. Apart from the aformentioned critique the piece is awesomely expressed! Keep up the good work!